The Stages of Greif

Greif, they say there are five stages:-

• • 1. Denial and Isolation.
  • 2. Anger.
  • 3. Bargaining.
  • 4. Depression.
  • 5. Acceptance.

This year makes it 7 years since the death of my beloved Nana, and I think that finally, I may be turning a corner. When I looked up grief, nowhere could I find a timeline. I know some people are better at dealing with things and can therefore move on quicker, but not me. Still I have my bad days, when all I want to do is cry and cry and cry. But I think that I may finally be turning a corner. My Nana died the day after my 13th birthday due to a heart attack. It knocked me for six, and for a while I couldn't accept it. For months, years even, I kept thinking that she was off in Spain living her life and having a good time. But then the more and more I thought about this, I thought about one thing: - How could she leave me, live in another country, and not try to contact me?

Sometimes I still think that I see her. Not in a creepy way, but for example, not so long ago I was on a bus. I was minding my own business, listening to my iPod, when I saw a woman who looked just like her from behind. It kinda freaked me out and I started to cry. As I got off I saw it wasn't my Nana, but a different woman, which made me feel better.

So this year make it 7 years since my Nana died. Yes it does get easier with time, but on the same hand it doesn't. I still think about her every day, I still have my last ever birthday card off her up in my bedroom, but now I can make it through a day without crying about the fact that she is longer with me (and my family). But one of the things that upsets me the most is that she never got to see my Nephews grow up and she never even got to know about my Niece. My Nephews were 10 months, 3 and 7 years old when she died. My Niece was born around 9 months after her death. But even now when I look at my niece I can't help but feel sad that my Nana never got to met her. I also feel sad that she never got to see the great little people my Nephews have become, and are still becoming.

But there's one thing that does make me feel better, and that is when my Niece smiles, or when one of the boys does well at school/sports. Then I feel as though Nana is smiling down at me, smiling down at us all.

Happy Birthday to me!

So yesterday (19th February) was my birthday and turned.................. 20. ! I actually had a pretty good day. I got lots of cards, presents; I even had 2 cakes (one for the house and one for the office I work in). I even went out for a meal, which was nice, although I didn't really like the people who served us, but whatever they weren't all that bad (at least they didn't ruin my evening).

So next year is the big one, my 21st and I'm thinking of doing something different. I have a few ideas, but none that I want to share just yet. So that's it for now, but I'll do another blog post tomorrow on a more serious matter (but don't panic I'm not dying or anything!).

YouTube Update!

I've just looked at my videos on YouTube (YT), and have now realised that it has been 3 months since my last upload. So I am hopefully going to make a video whilst I take some time off of work this month (I am off on the 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd and 24th of February).

As of right now I am unsure of what video/couple/show/music/storyline I will be doing, so I will have to come up with something quickly over the next few days. I have a couple of videos which I have been working on for weeks now, but I have lost inspiration for them right now.

Since I am still clipping some episodes (I still have CSI Miami (Hiphuggers), Criminal Minds (JJ & Will) and a couple more) to do, but I have managed to finish clipping a couple of shows (the biggest one is my MerDer clips off of Greys Anatomy, which took me forever, I think it was about 3 months!!!! ). So I am still limited in what shows I can vid for, but hopefully that won't be the case for much longer.

Anyways when I finish my next video I will post the link here for everyone, so that you can all give me your POV (Point of View) on it. Now I just have to find a song, which won't be blocked by YT. Wish me luck! X.x.x.x.

Babys having babies

The following story is a true one and one which has just shocked the UK and in some parts divided it. Most people (at least people I have spoken too), think the same way as me, babies are now having babies and that shouldn't be the case in the 21st century. But on the other hand, there are people; we think that as long as they love the child then it is ok.

The story I am talking about is that of a 13 year old boy who has just become a father. And if that wasn't shocking enough, when you see the picture of him, you can clearly see that this young father actually looks no older than 8 years old.

Youngster having babies doesn't normally bother me, in fact, in some cases; I feel that some of these young women are making the right decision, in not running away from what they have done. But in this case, after seeing a picture of the father, I too am shocked. He has a baby's face and yet he has just become a father himself.

Read all about it on the link below, and tell me one thing: - Does he really look old enough to have a child>?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2238252.ece

My Goals - January Update

Time flies by so fast and so here are my goals updated with my results for the month of January 2009.

• Read at least 30 books

1. Pop goes the Weasel by James Patterson

2. Roses are Red by James Patterson

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

· Lose some weight (a couple of stone would be nice!) - To be honest I have had a stressful month and so I havent really had time to go into town and weigh myself each week. But I have been exercising and since I am going into town tomorrow anyways, I'll weigh myself then and will then start going in each week.

· Make at least 20 new videos for my vidding accounts – Havent made any yet, as I am having trouble with most of my accounts. YT keeps removing videos due ot the songs in them, I found another site which I thought would be ok, as a back-up account. I uploaded loads of my videos onto it, only to find that my account was closed only a few days ago.