Greif, they say there are five stages:-
This year makes it 7 years since the death of my beloved Nana, and I think that finally, I may be turning a corner. When I looked up grief, nowhere could I find a timeline. I know some people are better at dealing with things and can therefore move on quicker, but not me. Still I have my bad days, when all I want to do is cry and cry and cry. But I think that I may finally be turning a corner. My Nana died the day after my 13th birthday due to a heart attack. It knocked me for six, and for a while I couldn't accept it. For months, years even, I kept thinking that she was off in Spain living her life and having a good time. But then the more and more I thought about this, I thought about one thing: - How could she leave me, live in another country, and not try to contact me?
Sometimes I still think that I see her. Not in a creepy way, but for example, not so long ago I was on a bus. I was minding my own business, listening to my iPod, when I saw a woman who looked just like her from behind. It kinda freaked me out and I started to cry. As I got off I saw it wasn't my Nana, but a different woman, which made me feel better.
So this year make it 7 years since my Nana died. Yes it does get easier with time, but on the same hand it doesn't. I still think about her every day, I still have my last ever birthday card off her up in my bedroom, but now I can make it through a day without crying about the fact that she is longer with me (and my family). But one of the things that upsets me the most is that she never got to see my Nephews grow up and she never even got to know about my Niece. My Nephews were 10 months, 3 and 7 years old when she died. My Niece was born around 9 months after her death. But even now when I look at my niece I can't help but feel sad that my Nana never got to met her. I also feel sad that she never got to see the great little people my Nephews have become, and are still becoming.
But there's one thing that does make me feel better, and that is when my Niece smiles, or when one of the boys does well at school/sports. Then I feel as though Nana is smiling down at me, smiling down at us all.
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